Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!

12/28/2012 My goal is to be as honest as possible about our life and one of the things I have struggled with for almost five years now was dealing with the anger and for a lack of better words, hate in my heart. After my mom passed away, the holidays were the hardest to celebrate especially since her birthday is November 12. It’s a day that I always had off (for Veterans day) and I was usually at home by myself. So to keep myself busy and deal with my emotions I would decorate the house for Christmas. I know… I once scoffed at people for decorating before thanksgiving, let alone December! But the holidays especially Christmas was one of my moms favorite time of the year. So in an effort to celebrate or honor her in some way I have found decorating for Christmas kind of therapeutic. We decided for our first years of marriage and before children (maybe even with children) we would have a fake Christmas tree…another thing I used to knock, how time changes things. But I enjoy the benefits of having a fake tree. You don’t have to put it in the stand and try to get it perfectly straight, no watering, no dead needles and it lasts all the way until January when I am good and ready to take it down. Our first year we picked everything out together and put it up together, but every year after I have done it myself until this year! Zoë and I decorated for Christmas together. We put on our Christmas music and decorated the tree. Zoë held on to the ornaments (we have a lot of kid friendly and “Erin” proof ornaments). I purposefully put a few ornaments near the bottom incase Zoë became curious. I am thankful to have Zoë to share these traditions with and to create our own traditions as a family.

When I was a kid we always went out to the tree farm and picked out the perfect tree. My mom and dad wanted a full (we called it fat) tree and Ashley and I wanted a tall tree. We had a vaulted ceiling so we usually got at least a 8′ tree. Just tall enough that Dad could get the ornaments on the top with a step stool or we would stand on the arm of the couch to reach as high as we could. It was a tradition of ours to decorate as a family usually on a Sunday evening. Our house would be filled with the smell of pine (we always got pine), there would be needles everywhere and boxes of ornaments. Mom would hand out the ornaments one by one and we would place them perfectly on the tree. Ashley and I were usually in charge of the banister wrapping it with garland and gold stars finished off with plaid bows. My mom would make her “famous” fudge. A little truth about my moms cooking/baking, it was usually easy and simple, something I have come to appreciate.

Some of my fondest Christmas memories are of the years we were all together as a family…grandma, grandpa, Uncle Allen, Auntie Val, Sam, Max, and one year Auntie Marg, Chelsea, and Maddee. Those were the years that our tree was brimming with presents and our house was full of life and laughter (and maybe a few tears…especially when Maddee got coal!) I was always the first one to rise with the sun and scurry down stairs where I was allowed to open my stocking while I waited for everyone else to wake up and join me. My grandpa was the official passer outer of presents. He would call out our names and joke about what the present might be and then continue on. He kept the pace of present opening going, but he usually had a hard time keeping up with me. I am an unusually efficient present opener. Sometimes I would even help others open presents…Zoë appears to have inherited this skill, but we shall see. Another tradition we had was my mom would make a breakfast casserole and once all of the presents were opened we all enjoyed breakfast together. The last Christmas with Mom was a little different. Mom and Dad were in Hawaii, so Ashley, Tommy and I were left to decorate the tree and the house. My mom was being particularly funny this year, she kept saying this would be her last Christmas with me since I would be getting married the next year. I am so thankful that we celebrated Christmas like it was our last. My mom even let me make my grandma’s apple pie, then she deconstructed it to make it herself (and I cried)!

These memories keep my spirits high during the holiday season. They help me enjoy the time I have with my family and friends and remind me to create as many memories as possible. As the years go by we continue to create new traditions, but there a few that I still cling to. I make my mom’s fudge. This year Zoë and I made it together. I am looking forward to the day when she is helping me in the kitchen. I tend to allow her to be in the kitchen with me so that she will be comfortable in the kitchen. A few years ago my friend Laura taught me how to make tamales. She thought since I was married to a Mexican that it was important that I know how to make them. Tommy’s grandma used to make them for Christmas, now it has become a tradition for our family. We like to enjoy our tamales for breakfast with eggs. I have decided this year that I want to continue my mom’s ornament making, she always made a new one each year, but unlike her I am not a very good at cross stitch (I am terrible…it requires too much concentration), so I have decided to try cinnamon ornaments and clay ornaments. I also made yarn ornaments this year that I particularly enjoyed making. I will have to come up with something new to make next year. This year is also very different since we live in a different state as our family and friends. We were planning to return home for Christmas, but with sky rocketing ticket prices we had decided to embark on a regular old Griswold family vacation and road trip it to California. I spent two days packing and preparing for our journey. Friday we decided to have our own Christmas. This would be Zoë’s first Christmas and probably longest Christmas since we had been opening presents as they were delivered. It was very nice for Santa to come early and we enjoyed watching Zoë as she unwrapped her presents.  We headed to bed because we were going to get on the road as soon as possible. I struggled to pack up the car, but we made it work and off to California we went, baby, dogs, and all! As we drove through Minnesota everything was bearable. The minute we hit Iowa things got a little scary. The roads gradually got worse. Our speed decreased to under 20 mph. Our visibility out our windshield diminished from all of the debris being kicked up by the big trucks. As we continued we began to notice cars in the median and on the side of the freeway. Some were tipped over on their sids, others were damaged and stranded. So this is what caused us to turn back…

Once we were unpacked and got some rest we went into operation save Christmas! We did a little grocery shopping. I was determined to have tamales so I called Trader Joe’s and asked if they had them and lucky for us they did! We also picked up some soyrizo and we were pleasantly surprised. We thought it would be fun to get a few activities to do while we hung out as a family. We decided on making and decorating sugar cookies and a little craft activity for Zoë. We also picked up a saucer…we are thinking about hitting the slopes for some sledding. We enjoyed the weekend and did some Christmas movie watching. It was nice to just relax and cuddle up as a family. Christmas Eve we got our selves together, I made deconstructed Minnesota Sushi (pickles cream cheese and ham) and we made our sugar cookies. Now I don’t really remember ever making sugar cookies when I was younger so this is a new tradition that I would like to continue. Zoë enjoyed watching the butter and egg churn in the mixer. She is always fascinated by the happenings in the kitchen. I let her play with some cookie cutters and she was so excited and was banging on the table. She decided she was ready to start cutting and was trying to cut the big hunk of dough with her cookie cutter. Tommy took sugar cookies to the extreme and decided to write with the dough. He was able to spell out Zoë’s name. It is one of the cookies that you don’t even want to eat because it’s too pretty (we still haven’t). Through out the day we Facetimed with various family members. It was nice to at least see our family even if it was virtual.

Then we decided to go for a drive looking for lights. Once we got home we read our Christmas story, tucked our sweet girl in and set the cookies out for Santa. Then it was CHRISTMAS! We woke up and found  Zoë’s toys from our first Christmas and a few new ones. She didn’t notice at all. It was a lot of fun to watch her play and enjoy each toy. Then we had her open her a gift…all that practice paid off. We got a few morning cuddles in before I started making breakfast. After breakfast we decided to make our Christmas craft. We picked up a Christmas tree that you put sticker decorations on. Zoë seems to enjoy stickers, picking at them, eating them, and occasionally placing on the tree. Zoë got a runny nose so we decided to enjoy our Christmas in doors. We Facetimed our family and friends. We got to watch Tommy’s family open gifts. It was almost like being there. We are enjoying the rest of the time Tommy has off! It is so nice to get this time together!