…then comes baby

Dear Zoë,

I can’t believe it has been a year! It feels like just yesterday I was waddling around worrying everyday about you! I loved being pregnant. It truly is a miracle. I felt so blessed to have been chosen to be your momma and I made every effort to make sure you were safe and I wasn’t doing anything to harm you. Then I realized my mom ate whatever she wanted and I turned out ok. So I tried to enjoy our pregnancy and take in every kick and thump that came from you. Although you weren’t a very active baby, you were very peaceful, so much that I used to poke you and push on you, just to make sure you were still in there! We had a great schedule. I never missed any sleep because of you and I thank you for that. I didn’t have any complications throughout our pregnancy and I stayed as active as possible…I went to work everyday, but I had A LOT of help at work! I really want to share your birth story so that you will know how it all went down. I just want you to know that it was the most amazing experience to bring you into this world. It was painful, but you are worth every contraction, needle, and stitch!

love,

momma

2/18/2012 So here it goes…Where to begin…let me preface this by saying I was doing everything possible to get Zoë out on time. The thought of going past my due date scared me. She was getting so heavy, it honestly felt like I was carrying a bowling ball in my pelvis and she was going to fall out at any moment. I didn’t know what to expect. I kept thinking…What do contractions feel like? How do I know if my water broke? When should I go to the hospital? I was determined to work as long as possible even if that meant going into labor at work. So here is the whole truth and nothing but the truth! Friday February 17th I went to work as usual. It was a fieldtrip day, my favorite. I love seeing my students out in the community! This Friday we were off to the bowling alley, oh the irony! I had promised the kids pizza so I put their order in and ran home to let the dogs out. I didn’t want to leave them outside because I just had given them a bath just incase I went into labor, call it mother’s instinct or nesting. Then I ran back to pick up the pizza and back to class we went. We all enjoyed our pizza and what was left of our “Fun Friday”. As I was sitting all of a sudden my belly pushes down and becomes hard (it didn’t really hurt). I told the ladies to look and they were so surprised. The bell rang at 2:30 and I headed home. As I was driving home I was almost certain I shouldn’t have been driving, but I shrugged it off and told myself “my water hasn’t broken, I’m not in labor”. When I got home I decided I was tired and it was time for a nap (I took everyone’s advice on rest now because you won’t be sleeping much when the baby comes). I slept until 4:30 when Tommy called to let me know he was on his way home. Tommy was going to come home and then go work with his brother on a project. When he called I was feeling kind of funny. I told him I wasn’t sure what was going on. I didn’t know if I was in labor or not so I paced around a little bit and checked to see if my water broke. I thought for a minute maybe it was leaking. So I called Tommy’s mom to ask her what to do. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I had no idea how far apart my contractions where. I couldn’t focus enough on the start and end to know the difference. So once I was on the phone with Debbie I was able to tell her when they started and when they ended and she would time them for me. I was walking the halls back and forth. Rocky and Rambo were following me closely. My contractions were two to three minutes apart by the time Tommy got home at 6. I didn’t feel like eating dinner so I made Tommy something really quick. I knew I need a little something to give me energy. I had Tommy run over to Juice It Up and get me a smoothie. He also had to pick up some last minute snacks. Our bags were packed, I had my towel for the car, and we made our way to the hospital around 9:00, but I had to stop for a pack of gum first! We clearly were in no hurry. I was expecting to be sent home because I felt like I might have been overreacting, like I sometimes do. As we drove the contractions came on a little harder, making the car ride a little unbearable. Thankfully we had pre-registered. We got to the labor and delivery floor and they took forever letting us in! Once we got in they had me change and the nurse checked me. I was 5cm dialated and 80% effaced. I was thankful to hear that. Eight days earlier I was 2cm and 75% effaced which meant I made progress! My contractions were pretty regular so they kept me and moved me to the labor and delivery room. By then we had called my sister who was in San Diego, she was on her way. Funny thing was I was texting her earlier and she thought I was going into labor, but assured not yet…sorry Ash! Once she got there my labor was in full swing! Contractions were coming on strong and they were coming in to start my IV. I of course was dehydrated the day I go into labor. With all the running around I did I forgot my water back at school. I spent my whole pregnancy making sure I was hydrated. Since I was dehydrated it made it difficult to find my veins. The heparin lock hurt a lot…I don’t like needles and I might have cried a little. In my opinion I would have taken a few extra contractions over that dang heparin lock. Then they had to draw some blood. Lucky for me I got the phlebotomist that used to draw my moms blood every week! And she is a pro! I loved being surrounded by familiar faces when the one face I wanted to see wasn’t there. (I am very thankful to have a loving a supportive husband and sister who were there for me the entire time too, laughing the whole time!)  After I was all hooked up the nurse asked me about an epidural. I decided since the anesthesiologist was already in surgery I would wait to see how long I could take the pain before calling him in. I do know they have a back up anesthesiologist, but I really wanted to test and push my body as far as I could go. I had filled out a birth plan and I thought about giving it to the nurses, but in the end I didn’t want to be rigid. I preach flexibility to my students and I wasn’t about to pretend to know what to expect. I think the biggest piece of advice I had to listen to from others was go with the flow, things always change, and you have to be ready for the unexpected. I also had my mom’s voice in the back of my head saying two things…”I don’t know how you are going to have children someday, you have a low pain tolerance.” As well as “You can do it honey!” That was the motivation I needed to try and go as natural as possible. So in the meantime the nurse offered me Nubain. They warned me that the first dose would be the strongest and that after that it wouldn’t be effective. It would only take the “edge off” not take away the pain or contractions. So I waited until they checked my again around 10. At this point I was 7cm. I was breathing and counting through my contractions. They were getting stronger and harder to talk through. I decided I was ready for the Nubain. Let me tell you it was awesome for two whole seconds…ok maybe 20 minutes, but after that we were right back in the thick of it!

At this point I was really focused on my breathing and counting. Apparently my counting got progressively louder so much so that around 11 the nurse came in to check me again, I was now 8-9cm. I had to ask her if I was being a sissy…were the contractions in fact strong or was I a wimp? She confirmed that they were strong and she asked about the epidural again and I said not yet. She did notice that my water was bulging and that was causing a lot of pressure. She gave me about 10 more minutes before she decided to break my water. Boy was that the biggest relief of my life!! After they cleaned up and saw the fluid was clear they called the doctor. The nurse told us she could see Zoë’s head and she had a full head of hair. It was time to push! Tommy held my leg and counted for me and Ashley captured the moment. I began pushing around midnight and the doctor showed up around 12:15 to catch Zoë. While we were waiting the nurse asked me not to push…I thought that was pretty funny. She said pretend like you are blowing out birthday candles, it worked. I pushed for a total of about 5 good pushes. Once Zoë was out and placed on my chest I looked at everyone with my arms wide open and said, “I really did it! I can’t believe it! I really did it!” I was in complete shock! They cleaned Zoë up…she got the full treatment, sponge bath, shampoo, and plenty of rinsing and brushing.

Zoë was so alert from the moment she was born.

I on the other hand need a little more work. Due to the quickness of my labor I tore a little so I needed a “few” stitches…what felt like a thousand! I told the doctor I would rather give birth again than have him stitch me up. They tried numbing me, but it wasn’t working and unfortunately I was really tense (I can’t imagine why). I told Tommy to stay with her and hold her while I was being taken care of, I forgot to remind him to do skin to skin with her, oh well. Once he was FINALLY finished I held Zoë for our golden 40 minutes. After I had my time with Zoë Ashley and Tommy’s mom wanted a chance to meet her. Tommy’s mom drove down once she found out Zoë was born. Once I was cleaned up enough I felt like I had to go to the bathroom and I asked the nurse if I could take a shower…I felt really gross. She said no, and that she would help me to the bathroom. I went slow and made it to the restroom fine, but when I was ready to get back in bed I didn’t quite make it. I began to pass out. They had to bring a wheelchair and that smelly stuff that they wave under your nose. At this point they were ready to move us to our recovery room. Our nurse for the night was Suzy Ellis Kreyling. I couldn’t resist even at 2 in the morning to ask her if she was Mr. Ellis’ (sorry he will always be my Chemistry teacher) sister. We talked for probably an hour and then she checked my vitals and had me rest. Like I said it was nice being surrounded by familiar faces. It was very comforting. The next day people trickled in and out of our room. It was great to have everyone come and visit…I will admit it is all still a little hazy since I didn’t get much sleep and I was nervous and eager to care for  Zoë. I enjoyed seeing everyone’s faces and having them meet Zoë. She was such good girl sleeping pretty much all day. It wasn’t until everyone left, that  we got a chance to hear her little cries. Tommy tried to give me a chance to rest, but I found it really hard to relax in the hospital. I really just wanted to go home. I did enjoy the care we got and finally when Suzy came back for her night shift I let her take Zoë for her 24 hour check up. I got a few hours of sleep and then I woke up at 6 to find out Zoë’s Bilirubin was slightly elevated and that she would have to go under the phototherapy lights. They were able to start them promptly at 8 when shifts changed. Zoë had to stay under the lights for 12 hours and could only come out for 10-15 minutes every 1.5 hour to feed.  I had to supplement so that she could stay under the lights as much as possible and to get in as much fluids as possible. I hated every minute of it! This was one of those moments that Tommy and I had to lean on each other and I needed the reassurance that I was doing what was best for Zoë. I had to reassure Tommy that everything would be ok and thankfully we were able to leave that evening around 9:30. I was so excited and nervous to go home! I knew I would rest better there, but I was afraid to be on our own. Once we got home we introduced the dogs to Zoë.

Then we decided it was time to get some rest…the first night was T E R R I B L E…Zoë cried, I cried, and Tommy slept!  I decided the next day that we needed to get on a schedule! I really had to focus on feeding Zoë and I needed some rest too. So we worked it out that Tommy did diaper changes while I got ready to feed Zoë and that girl was going to be swaddled and sleep in between feedings. Everyone knew their roles and the next night went much better!

Every day has been a blessing and to believe it has been 365 days is crazy! I wish she could stay my baby forever, but we are enjoying the adventure of getting to know her more and more each day. Some of the things we have learned about Zoë are…

She loves to eat.

She is determined (or should I say stubborn).

She is W I L D!

She LOVES music!

She loves her furbrothers.

She loves to talk.

She smiles at ALMOST everyone (NOT Santa).

She loves exploring.

She likes her independence.