WORK, WORK, WORK

3/25/2013 Maybe it’s a case of the Mondays, but I just have to get somethings off my chest and out of my brain. I promise there are pictures and videos! Lately I have been thinking about work…work as a mom & work as a teacher. I often think about my mom when I think about work. She was a hard working mom. I admire her so much for the sacrifices she made for our family. Thinking about her working reminds me of my childhood daily routine I have such fond memories of her alarm going off at 6:30, the smell of her coffee and the sound of her toast popping up out of the toaster. She would leave before we had to go to school (she had to get to her own school before all of the students arrived) so off to the neighbors we went. After school we would walk home with the neighbors and stay with them until Mom got home around 4. Once she was home it was time to hit the books and the piano. Dinner was always ready by 5:30, we were in the bath by 7 and bed by 8. Later on we added in Soccer practices and orthodontist appointments. Since this is what I know and it is second nature to me I find my self using the same routine with my family. Old habits die hard and I blame my mom for my old lady bed time.

BUT before we went to school Ashley and I both attended daycare/preschool. So, I have been thinking a lot about our decision to keep Zoe home and our desire to have one of us to stay home with her. Honestly before I was pregnant I was set on putting Zoe into daycare. I even did a google search to see what was available in the area and how much it would cost. Once we were pregnant I didn’t know what we were going to do. I never thought I would want to be a stay at home mom. I have been working since I was 17 and I began my career at 22. I loved my job and I loved my students, but this person I had never met was making me rethink things. Part of me always felt like I would let my mom down if I didn’t work. Then I thought if she was given the opportunity to be a stay at home mom would she have chosen to? To be honest I don’t really know the answer. I like to think she would, but then again I still don’t know. We knew we could stay home with Zoe until she was 6 months old, but then what? After a lot of talking and prioritizing we decided it would be best for Tommy to quit his 5am-6pm job and have him work from home while taking care of Zoe. On a side note…we had set a goal for ourselves in 2011 that we would apply for jobs in a metropolitan city where Tommy could focus on his career. It was just by chance that Tommy found a posting for an agency in Minneapolis that he thought would be a great opportunity for his career. We prayed, talked and trusted that this was the direction we needed to go so here we are…boom, I am now a stay at home mom. When I was pregnant the big thing I struggled with was I was going to be teaching other people’s children, while other people would be teaching my child, why couldn’t I just teach my own child. So I have been diligently checking milestones and making sure we are working on things to continue Zoe’s growth and development. Along with lots of snuggling and giggling. More of the latter. But today I found myself looking for a job. I just like to check to see what is available. I also checked daycares to see what is available and how much it would cost. Lucky for me there are always jobs in Special Education. Then I started thinking about Zoe and what that would mean for us as a family. I look at that schedule my mom had and I count the waking hours she had with us, a total of maybe 5 hours a day. Could I bear to only spend 5 hours of the day with Zoe? I know that’s the amount of time Tommy gets and I know that is a huge sacrifice on his part. And I can’t thank him enough for supporting our family. (Thank you Tommy for your daily sacrifice and commitment to providing for our family! You’re the best man for Zoe and I. We really appreciate everything you do for us! We love you with all of our hearts) I know when I did work and Tommy was home with Zoe, I thought about her often, so much so I would run home during lunch to see her and I would race home from work to see her. Now that I am a stay at home mom I think about the moments I would miss, her little giggles, her running around in just her diaper, her cuddles, and her tears. I wouldn’t be able to send Tommy pictures of her and tell him about her silly antics. Then I get thinking about what it would be like for Zoe. Now I have friends and know people that work in daycare centers and were preschool teachers. I would totally love it if they were taking care of my child. But she wouldn’t be in there classes. She would be spending a majority of her day with other caring individuals, and would they love her like I do, would they comfort her when she gets frustrated, would they get frustrated with her, would they make sure she ate all her food, get enough time to nap? I think about how Zoe has started imitating and the thought of her imitating others bothers me. I know it may sound selfish, but she is a reflection of me. So ALL of these thoughts are bouncing around my brain! At the end of the day I want to be the person taking care of Zoe for now.

Dear Zoe,

I know people in my life that stand firm on both sides of the argument, to stay home or to work. For now your dad and I are doing what we think is best for our family at this moment. There will come a day when I will want to go back to work (I am not wasting my degree, especially since we are still paying for it! And I know your grandmother would agree with that 100%). It is also important to me for you to see me work and be apart of my work life. I loved being a district kid. I loved when I went to the same school where my mom worked. I loved when she visited my campus and I would spot her walking amongst the crowd. I secretly loved that she found out things about me before I told her (that meant I didn’t have to work up the courage to tell her myself, not that I got in trouble often). I hope you will feel that way about me one day.  Part of me believes it is in our blood to be teachers. I want to be a good example for you, like my mom was a good example for your auntie and I. I have no expectations of you becoming a teacher, but with your bossy ways and being that your favorite phrase right now is, “sit down!” while you point your finger. Who knows! I don’t know when the day will come for me to return to work, but for now I want to spend my time with you. I don’t want to miss one smile, one fall, one hug, one kiss from you. I want to be there to see you learn new things and clap for you. I want to teach you and explore this world with you! I want to spend everyday loving you my little girl because you will not always be little and you will not always need me like you do today.

Love,

Mom

And now for the pictures (a post is never complete without pictures!)

For 4 years I worked to integrate my students as much as possible. I never imagined where that would take us. Lucky for me I worked at a school where typical students were just as eager as I was to invest in my special students. They treated them with respect and genuinely took an interest in my students. Every year students would come to me and ask if they could spend time with my students. One of those students was Nissabelle. She was a dancer for our school and her mom also teaches dance classes in our community. She spent her senior year working with my students teaching them various dances. They were asked to participate in a few dance recitals and I am so proud of their hard work!

Or any of these milestones…