Treasure Hunt

Sometimes our negative perspective robs us from seeing God’s grace and mercy. It’s in my nature to see the positive side of things, you could call me an optimist. 
It’s pretty clear as much as I love the city life I always loved being close to nature as well. We loved Minneapolis for that reason. We might have lived in the city, but about four or five blocks east was the Mississippi river and and a short bike ride west there was a lake. I love nature so much because I believe it’s a demonstration of God’s grace. This world is so magical that it couldn’t have just appeared without a purpose. Everything is so interdependent that it can’t be by accident. I have made the drive from Northern California to Southern California a few times now and every time I can’t help myself but admire the beauty. The 152 is my favorite part of the drive! It reminds me of Jurassic Park, there’s even a dinosaur point.

The thing about my life is that I can’t honestly say God wasn’t there all along. He never left me, even when I was angry and bitter. He worked in our life in ways that I can only see more clearly now. By the grace of God I got a job two months after my mom passed away, I had barely graduated college and I didn’t even have a credential. They had every reason to not hire me, but they took a chance on me. When we were ready to buy a house we found the perfect house in no time. When I got my first classroom I met people that I would call family. My relationship with my sister was restored. When we asked to move, a way was provided. When we wanted to start a family He blessed us with two amazing children. There are dozens of other examples, but ultimately He was faithful even when I wasn’t.

Along the way negativity crept in and distorted my perspective. It twisted my beautiful life towards contempt. I started desiring a different life. I held onto my unrealistic expectations. All the what ifs took over.

What if we had more money we could…

What if we didn’t have kids…

What if we move…

What if I had a different job…

What if I had this or that…

It left me constantly grumbling about my life. It left me searching for something to fill the void I felt deep inside, that I blamed on my mom’s death. But in reality I was just searching for something to remind me of my purpose. I wanted to know I wasn’t living life in vain. That I wasn’t just another cow in the herd, being pushed along in life. I was often brought back to reality when I looked at my babies. When I would see them sleep so peacefully. When they laughed. When they saw the wonder of this world. When they would reach out for me. Those moments breathed life back into my soul. They truly are a gift from God. God also used my students to remind me of His love. When I was serving them and spending time one on one with my students, peace would find me. As I write this I realize how much contempt stole my passion for my job. I was constantly torn between work and motherhood. There are certain aspects of the job that has it’s challenges. But I know God created me to work with and love on others no matter their ability because we are all created in His image. So now I wage war against contempt. By shifting my perspective I am able to clearly see how truly blessed I am. My mission now is to cherish my blessings and to not take them for granted because I know that I’m storing my treasure in heaven.