Eve

Ever since I was a kid I have struggled with self image. I was never a petite little girl. And to be perfectly honest, my mom struggled with her health as well. When she had her first open heart surgery it was like a wake up call. We began taking family walks and then a few years later we began playing soccer. Soccer saved me! Unfortunately I quit my junior year of high school. Thankfully I worked at a restaurant and kept fit running food, but I also worked at Pat & Oscar’s and let’s just say the breadsticks were irresistible. I remember as early as five when food brought me comfort. When my mom was in the hospital people would bring dinner over. I can even remember some of the meals. Food has such a strong emotional connection for me. In all fairness I do like food in that I like to cook and explore different foods. I get my love of food from my dad and that’s not something I want to discount. But I developed an unhealthy relationship with food.

When I was pregnant with Zoë I began to evaluate my relationship with food. I didn’t want to pass on these struggles. I went to the extreme of limiting her carbs because that was my struggle. Then I would feel like I was controlling and worrying too much about it. It became a constant inner battle. I wanted her to be confident, but I wasn’t confident myself. I wanted her to eat healthy and not struggle with body image. Thankfully she doesn’t! We all know Zoë has a healthy amount of confidence in herself. In all honesty I admire her and she inspires me.

All this to say is that in my grief and bitterness I forgot to be my Eve. I forgot to value who I am and what makes me unique. I allowed the world to define me and make me feel inadequate. My doubt in myself kept the vicious cycle going. Once I let go of my bitterness my unhealthy relationship with food was broken! I can only serve one master and I choose to not be ruled by food. Don’t get me wrong I still enjoy food, but it does not satisfy my soul and fill the void I felt. As I began to heal on the inside, my outside began to reflect that change. I honestly haven’t done anything different, other than what I was already doing. I’m not a slave to food anymore. I have found the balance I needed to nourish my body and my soul in a healthy way. I began cherishing myself, something that I forgot to do. The reality of being made in God’s image hit me hard. He loves me and He created me. He delights in me. Through Him I am able to see that I am enough, I am worthy.

My hope and prayer is that Zoë always remembers she is unique and worthy. That taking care of herself should be a priority. That life requires a balance and it’s so easy to lose balance, but you can always find it again. My mom did that right. She showed me that it is never too late to make your health a priority. I pray that God continues to give me the eyes to see Zoë the way He sees her. I’m thankful for the Mom’s in my life that continue to encourage me and hold me accountable in this area of my life, but most importantly I am thankful God continues to bless my efforts.