Love Bugs

It’s been a year since I left the classroom and took a full time job as a mom and wife. It was something I had wanted for a long time. I was torn between work and always feeling drained. I realized I had so much patience with my students and by the time I got home I felt like I had ran out or patience. I am finding out that there is a small caveat to that thought. After a year of moving to Minnesota for six months and then moving back to California I have learned a few things…

You never really do get this time back. I have learned the hard way that the days are long, but the years are so short. Zoë just turned 5 and it’s hard to believe we have been parents for 5 years, that we have been a family for 5 years.We both have such a special bond with her. I always believed she had an old soul. Zoë and I have the ability to understand each others minds, I pray that it’s a blessing and not a curse. She has the quirkiest and silliest personality and I want it to grow and flourish. And then we added Grey. He will be 2 soon and I remember missing him roll over like it was yesterday. He’s been walking for a year and soon we will potty train him. He is everything I needed without knowing I needed him. He is the calm in my craziness. He is the strength that encourages me. His smile! Oooh that boy and his smile. Then there’s his laugh! Those two things make everything right in my world. 

Be in the moment. I love pictures and videos because they help you remember, but there is no substitute for experiencing the moment in real life. I recently unplugged from social media to refocus and find the balance I needed to not allow it to distract me as well as to really see the people in my life, not through a square. By being in the moment I have smiled more. I have learned more about each of the kids personality. I’m truly able to cherish who they are and who they are becoming. I got to witness their bond as sister and brother. I know I captured it in photos, but to see it first hand without my phone in my face had way more impact on my heart. Their laughter fills my soul. Their hugs and kisses wash away my hurt. They truly are my joy and the light in my world. Being in the moment allows me to cherish them. To cherish them as individuals. To cherish their love for each other. My favorite thing I cherish about them is their ability to say sorry to each other. The way they make things right between each other no matter how mad they are. Watching that kind of love inspires me. 

Parenting is hard. Not that I didn’t already know that, but I learned how to endure the hard times so that I can truly enjoy the good times. We truly enjoyed our three years with Zoë, she was such an easy going girl. She quit her paci on her own. She stopped nursing on her own. Shoot she slept through the night when she was a couple weeks old. She pottied trained in two weeks and she is a great eater. Grey was a little more challenging, but not anything we couldn’t handle. He was just different and that took some time to get used to. The dynamics of adding another person to our family after having such a good rhythm was hard, I have to admit it. It didn’t slow us down, it just took a lot more communication and flexibility. It was easy to think and believe that we had it all under control, but many days I felt drained and like I had failed. I think in the past couple of months I have learned that even though it’s challenging that I’m not failing them. I’m doing the best that I can with what I have. I don’t need to compare myself to other moms, I’m their mom and I am the best for them. God chose me for them and them for me. 

The last thing I learned was other people love our kids just as much as we love them. Allowing others to love them reminds me how much I love them. It challenges me to see them as others see them. I get share my joy for them with others. It is so affirming to hear and see the fruits of your labor. I pray for more of these moments and opportunities. All the more reason to spend more time with family and friends.