Sunshine

I have admitted a lot of my shortcomings recently. I wanted to take responsibility for my journey that lead me to this moment in my life. The one thing I never want to do is take away the good. I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I was and always will be Erin Perez. I struggled like everyone else because we all fall short at sometime or in some areas of our life. Ultimately I wanted to make a different choice. I am choosing to stop making the same choice over and over again. And that choice is to do it all on my own strength. I was tired. I felt like I had lost all the things that I loved. I was struggling to love my family. Not that I wasn’t loving them, but I felt drained. Everyone that knows me, knows that I love my family more than any other thing. After losing my mom, my family became my refuge. I poured all of me into them. So much so that I forgot to stop and fill my cup up. I think that’s something we all run into. We try to run a marathon without any water. We think we can have it all, but in reality I lost myself in my pursuit for it all.

My New Year’s resolution was to focus on filling my cup. Discovering who I am and my passion. I didn’t know how at first. But like I said after a very honest and convicting conversation with my mother in law I knew what choice I needed to make. Going to church and being in a relationship with Jesus isn’t a foreign idea to me. I grew up going to church and in high school after some tough moments I committed my life to Christ. And I’ve said it before I never denied God was in my life I just wasn’t willing to fully surrender all of me. I was willing to give him work, our kids, our finances, but I held onto other areas of my life that I thought I was doing good in. Our family prayed when we needed God, but we didn’t truly pursue a relationship with God. I know I prayed a lot when I was pregnant and we would go back to church after the babies were born. I know when we started going to church last year that was a pivotal moment for us. Zoë was loving church and singing songs in the car. We started to invest more, and when we moved we listened to sermons online. But then life crept in.

By allowing God to fill me up I am able to know my true purpose. It is to be the sunshine in this world. I didn’t hesitate to pursue a relationship with God because I knew what life was like when I was walking with Him. I knew that I didn’t have to sacrifice who I was, but I was going to reach my full potential. It means that I get to be true to my identity. I get to be that quirky girl that laughs and that genuinely loves without abandon. I get to embrace my “multitasking” brain. The great thing is I don’t have to do it all on my own anymore. I get to draw strength from God and fellowshipping with others. It’s a magical journey filled with a lot of promises that I want claim for myself and for my family. I get to put my trust in the eternal life and know that this one is not meaningless. So I’m going to shine on!