Time for some honesty. Not the kind I unleashed last year, but plain and simple honesty. Change is hard. Change is hard to see. Sometimes I feel like I haven’t really changed (physically speaking). I feel like I’m the same person on the outside I was a year ago and then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I see it. I really see the changes. My brain hasn’t caught up with my outward appearance. Funny story…I actually look like the girl I thought I looked like all along. I had this image of myself in my mind and it was a lie. But now I finally look like her and I don’t believe it. How crazy is the mind?? That got me thinking even more. Last year I unloaded about how much I fell short as a person, how I felt I had failed. What I’m starting to realize is the person I am today was always there. And people saw her, I just didn’t see her.
This past year I have felt more alive, shoot I have felt more emotions (all the feels) then I have ever felt in my life. But as my heart settles into this rhythm I can look back and be honest with myself and I can hear people clearly. I have a really hard time taking compliments. Like can NOT accept them. I have really worked on that. And recently my high school guidance counselor said, “you have always been this way, you have always been a planner and a go getter.” I bashfully said thank you, and I received it and agreed. She saw me. She always had eyes to see who I was, who I am. I think sometimes we can perceive others views of us as burdens, like expectations to live up to. I know I am guilty of it. My mom always had high expectations of me and my sister, ok let’s be honest every person around her. She saw potential in everyone. She knew what others where capable of and with a little support and encouragement she knew they could reach it. I find myself having that same perspective and shaking off any of the guilt I may have had about those expectations. I think this emerged from the truth, that with Jesus I am a new creation, we all can be new creations, where we can be the best versions of ourselves through Jesus’ love. We can walk confidently into our true being, not the image we have in our head, or the one the world has placed on us, but the one that lives quietly down inside of us. As I walk more confidently into my true being my eyes are open to see others clearly. I am able to see the potential others possess and my heart’s desire is to just cheer y’all on. This past year I have experienced so much support that there is nothing I would want more than to return the favor.
So as I embrace me for who God created me to be I want to continue to grow deeper. I want to walk along side my friends and family and grow our relationships deeper. I want to hug more, I want to talk more, I want to visit more, I want to get outside of myself and celebrate and love on others. It’s time to step out and step up. Because I’m not going back to being blind to the world around me. I’m never going back to “that” girl, I’m this girl forever! I guess my encouragement for anyone feeling the way I was a year or so ago is open your eyes and your heart to the kind words that other speak about you, I dare you to see what they see in you. And if you see something good in another person I dare you to say it. And honestly know that you are lovely, worthy, capable and amazing, no matter what you or anyone else says. Deep down we are those things because of Jesus’ love. We don’t have to let the world or our minds define who we are. I’m still learning to allow that to sink in. Maybe that’s what I need to grow deeper, just let it sink in.
Philippians 2:1-11
It is well with my Soul 