Happily Ever After

This past week was my parents 37th wedding anniversary. I remember as a kid celebrating my grandparents anniversary. So my sister and I have decided to continue the tradition, because even death can’t stop your love. In our house as kids love was measured in ounces. 32oz of frozen yogurt to be exact. Which is a lot and I can’t tell you how many ounces of frozen yogurt my parents had eaten, because when you love each other that much you don’t share you get two quarts and eat them together for dinner, sharing bites. I can see them now sitting on the couch together watching Law & Order with golden spoons in hand. What I know today is that my parents chose love and family. Sometimes I forget what they have taught me. I found myself crying last summer trying to make sense of how I was raised and why I was so angry. And I accidentally called my dad, I was trying to call my sister. But in fact I called the right person. I told him how I was feeling and he reminded me of how I was actually raised. To be flexible. To be compassionate. He reminded me of the first time we went to Hawaii as a family. We were staying on Oahu and our “hotel” was on the news for a drug bust. We didn’t cancel our reservations, but my dad made a way for us to spend time at another resort and we still had a great time. Then we finally made it to Maui where we could relax and enjoy our hotel. It made for an adventure. But there are hidden lessons all throughout my childhood that I’m just now seeing as I parent and try to pass them down to my children.

I know their marriage wasn’t perfect. I remember nights and days that my sister and I would be in my room with the door shut and telling her everything was going to be ok. Let’s be honest who’s marriage is perfect. I have been apart of the illusion that everything looks perfect on the outside and appears to be ok, when in reality that’s just not true. I honestly would choose the messy over perfect any day. Life is messy, relationships are messy, but in that mess there is so much beauty. I look back at my parents marriage and remember the moments that my dad used to sing to my mom in the car. Or when they would hold hands when they were walking or driving. I remember the nights around the dinner table. I remember how my dad would wait for my mom to try on clothes and give her the nod or the thumbs up. I remember watching my mom sit and pay bills and balance her check book. I remember her 6 am alarm clock and the smell of coffee that my dad had set for her as she got ready for work. I remember my mom telling my aunt what she loved most about my dad was his big brown eyes. I remember their Saturday morning walks. Because that’s what we do in marriage, we walk along side someone.

I remember all of the real moments in between too. When my mom was in the hospital the first time I was five, but I vividly remember my dad, how he looked, his shoulders shrunk a little, his face, his eyes down cast, the house covered in needles and trash, his heart was broken and scared. He spent every moment he could in the hospital with her until the day she came home. And life went back to normal eventually. But that didn’t mean the tough stuff was over. We grew up, pets died, jobs were lost, new jobs were found, they still had disagreements, bones were broken, family vacations, we played LOTS of soccer, we went to church, life went on. To me this is happily ever after. Because at the end of the day when life sifts you and all of the anger, guilt, resentment, bitterness is removed you’re left with love. Love always remains. My mom and dad created a life that I cherish because it’s my childhood. I am who I am because they chose. They chose love and family and I’m thankful for it. They might have not gotten everything right, but they got it right.

One last story we planned to celebrate their anniversary by going to the Build-a-Bear pay your age event. Jokes on us, it was insanity and some would have considered it a bust, but we took a page from our childhood and made the best of it. So many little details I want to share, my mom didn’t drive when we went places, my dad always drove, and she didn’t have a great sense of direction either. So one time she tried to take us to Fashion Valley after a soccer game. We drove in circles for a half hour maybe more, she COULD NOT find the mall. I laugh because that’s where we decided to meet for their anniversary and I think of this every time I go there. For my 18th birthday we went to Las Vegas, don’t know why, but it was one of those moments were we hopped in the car and drove. When we got there somehow we ended up in a Build-a-Bear. My mom had me make the white tiger it was a limited edition and I was born the year of the tiger. We talked about it and Ash remembered she made an elephant. We still have them today and our kids play with them. My hope was to have Zoë make Poppy. Two reasons, my mom loved trolls, I have one of hers from when she was a child and because Zoë loves hug time! We did end up with 32oz of frozen yogurt! Because LOVE!