De Donde

I just started my 9th year teaching, I took some time off here and there. Saying the number 9 seems so small, but thinking about the time, it seems so significant. The people I met along the way have come to mean so much to me. But as I drove away from Zoë’s school I thought, am I doing the right thing? Did I make the right choice to go back to work. I always knew I wanted to be a teacher. I was one of those kids. I cried today maybe because I was nervous for what awaited me in my classroom. But when I walked through the door it was instant. I fell in love all over again. I was created to do this, something deep down inside me knows I was always meant to do this (even when I didn’t want to do it, I knew I was born for it). I think I needed to fall back in love. I think I needed this time to miss it. And I think I needed it to be my choice to go back. These boys have waltzed right into my heart. They will forever be apart of this moment.

On that note, three years ago Zoë and I went on a mother daughter date. And on our date we stopped by my mom’s school. We posed in front of the sign and I secretly wished she would go to my mom’s school. I didn’t know how that would ever happen since we were already planning on moving to Minnesota again and in my mind that was a forever move. We were selling the house and never coming back. Never say never. I learn that over and over again. Some how, some way everything fell into place. And this morning I walked onto a campus that holds so many memories. It leaves me feeling a little raw. As much as it warms my heart, it breaks it too. I’m thankful for another moment to heal and to sweeten the memories I hold so close to my heart. Seeing my children walk the very halls my mom watched be built and later take charge of as the principal, there’s no words. I can still see her briskly walking (like there’s a fire) walkie talkie in one hand and hips swinging to and fro. I can see her standing on the stage during Friday Flag and in the MPR during movie night. I can picture me sitting across from her at her conference table eating lunch. As we crossed the street I remembered the one time she asked me to be the crossing guard, I asked her if she wanted me to die, and then I begged her to not make me do it. Crossing guards are my hero! They risk their lives every day for our kids, thank them! My memories of my mom are entangled on that campus. Like I mentioned she loved her job and she included me in her world and I’m forever thankful. Not only did it connect us, but it has been a gift in my own career. She gave me something, that goes beyond her absence. It holds me together when I so badly want her to be there. It fills in all the gaps. This morning as Zoë started her first full day of school, we walked into one big giant hug. The staff is just as excited as I am to have Mrs. Olson’s granddaughter as a student. Grandma Terry’s legacy lives on. Her sweet granddaughter walks her halls with a smile on her face and single finger wave.

I say all this because sometimes I feel like we forget where we come from. We go off on a search to find something better. It took these past couple of years of remembering who I am and what my foundation is. It’s good to grow and make something of yourself, but when you make it to the top it can be lonely if you forget everyone who got you there. I say that because the more I push to be the best version of myself I don’t want to forget those that not only got me here, but are walking beside me as I get there. I don’t want to leave anyone behind. I want to link arms and look over and smile. And that’s just what I did today. I hugged my past and looked my future self in the eyes because those boys are going to grow me. But I stand on all of this because I came back, I took my second chance. So here I am, I found my way back to where I belong.