Strong & Independent

I was raised with the mantra “be a strong and independent woman”. And I truly believe that is exactly what I am. I know there is a huge feminist movement. I get it. I understand the injustice. And maybe on some levels I myself have experienced it. Maybe you have too. But it got me thinking…

What if the movement doesn’t start with our little girls, what if it starts with our sons. Shouldn’t we open up that conversation? Let’s raise up men. Men that respect and value women. That encourage and support women to be women. In this argument for justice we try to make men and women equal, but what if what we need to acknowledge is that women and men are created differently, but should be respected equally. My job as mom is completely different than that of a dad. I have certain strengths and weaknesses. I may not be skilled in a certain area, but I’m skilled in another. My talents are different, but I have talents non the less. What if we learn to celebrate our differences and our uniqueness. Don’t get me wrong I know there are men and women out there that have to play both roles, but at the end of the day they will fall short, we all do no matter man or woman. And there is such a fine line on both sides of this coin. We know women love to celebrate and cheer each other on, but as we do that we can begin to create an exclusivity. Aren’t we only being hypocrites at that point? We are just exchanging the man’s world for a woman’s world, “the future is female”. Where are the men going? All we end up doing is making them feel isolated. I don’t think men have to exchange their masculinity for women to blossom into their God given talents and positions.

What if we raised up a generation of men that saw women as more than just what they can offer them with their bodies, but they see them as daughters and sisters. What if they elevated them in their role as women by encouraging and coming along side them to say, yes you can do it, whatever it is. What if our sons respected women and others around them for their differences because the truth is I am uniquely woman and I’m proud to be a mother, daughter and sister. And whether or not a man validates that doesn’t mean that truth isn’t true. Maybe it’s the lies that society perpetuates about women that fills our boys minds with untruths about women. Maybe it’s the loss of relationships with our own mothers that make us believe them. Maybe it’s the loss of our relationships with our fathers that makes women believe they are less than. Maybe it all really does start at home and the very belief that we hold the future of the next generation in our hands. We have the ability to change and rewrite the future. If parents really grasped the gravity of their role maybe it would make being present over perfect easier. Because it’s not about entertaining our kids until they’re out of the house, but more instilling little glimmers of hope for the future. As a teacher, I get it, it’s important. As a parent there are moments I don’t want to accept that responsibility, but if not me then who? What I love about my job is I get to work closely with my parents. We’re a team. We want the best for their child and I’m there to support them in their efforts as much as they are there to support mine. It’s not perfect, but if we as a collective we see the importance of working together for the next generation then maybe we have a fighting chance.

I believe that the conversations are great and it opens the doors for opportunities to change our own behavior. But maybe we’re missing something. Maybe the conversation is only one sided here. Why don’t I hear the men opening up about how they can change this cycle? I have spent so much energy building up my daughter and repeating the same mantra to her, but then I look at my son and I think, what do I need to teach him…? I grew up in a house of women, strong women. So when we had Zoë I instinctively knew what to do. Having Grey stretches me. I honestly wondered if I would know how to parent a boy. He is wildly different from Zoë. And I don’t think I’ve ever paused and thought about him as a man, but I need to.

First off, I want to teach him to be gentle. There’s a time and a place to be rough, but gentleness shows true strength (sometimes going against an instinct shows more restraint and strength then truly giving in to your innate desires). I want him to respect a woman’s being, her whole being, not just her body, but her heart and her mind. I want him to see beauty in all people no matter what shape or size they are. I want his eyes to see true beauty, the beauty on the inside.

Secondly, I want him to be humble. I want him to be strong and take pride in his work, but I want him to remain humble in knowing that his skills are a gift for him to use wisely. I want him to encourage others to do their best. I want him to be a team player. I want him to always remember to pass the ball. I want him to link arms with those around him so that when he makes it he is surrounded by those that have been there in the times of famine and in times of abundance. I want him to be a leader, but to fully understand what leadership means, LEAD BY EXAMPLE son, and nothing is beneath you.

Thirdly, I want him to be able to express and process his emotions. I want him to have a soft heart. I don’t want him to fall for the cynicism of this world. I want him to believe the good in others. I want his eyes to see those around him with love, kindness, and compassion. I want him to not be afraid of intimacy (true vulnerability, not just physical). I want him to feel deeply and express it so that his walls stay down and he allows people into his world. I hope I always have an invitation. I want him to love without fear and expectation, with an open heart knowing that there is a greater source that holds it. I want him to have the courage to step into messy situations and know he doesn’t have to fix it, but choosing to show up is the most important and risky step to take, but he can do it confidently. I want him to not be afraid to care and to commit fully.

Lastly, I want him to know his source. I want him to know that he needs a savior. I want him to know that the above is possible with Jesus for a life time, not just for a moment. I want him to know that Jesus came to this Earth to set an example for him, but to also help him in every struggle because Jesus knows the struggles personally. I want him to go boldly into his future knowing that he is never alone. That deep inside him there is something placed on his heart and I hope he has the desire to find out what it is and pursue it, no matter what it is.

As a mother I desire for my son to be a lifter upper of women. To know his role as a man in this world. I’m so thankful he has a sister to practice all of this with. I’m so thankful for all of the strong women in his life that will show him their true strength. That will give him the eyes to see and celebrate them. Last thing, I want him to know that behind every successful man is a strong woman. I pray he finds a strong woman to partner with in life, but if he doesn’t his sister and I will be there.