IRL

When I was a kid my mom had this outstanding date. Every Saturday she would call her sister. We had a phone in the kitchen with the world’s LONGEST cord. She would chat and chat and chat, for HOURS. Her sister lived on the East coast and this was their way of staying apart of each other’s lives BEFORE Instagram, Facebook, Face Time, and Zoom. What I love about it is that they got the unfiltered non curated version.

I was thinking back nine years ago when instagram first rolled out. How no one cared about a curated feed. It was just these little windows into peoples lives that we didn’t have before. Before ads and algorithms. It was this fun space to connect with family and friends. But over time things have shifted, the system has been perverted with psychology and monetization. In the name of oversharing I found myself withdrawing from interactions on social media to preserve real life interactions. If I already knew what you did what more was there to talk about. I realize there’s more and that those little square nuggets are just a window and maybe I could use them to engage in a deeper more meaningful conversation. Someone text this to me recently, “thanks for sharing, makes me feel better when you get real.” I had to take a minute and think about that statement. How have I contributed to this feeling?

Over the years I have learned to filter (which is a good thing), but I have a learned to filter too much? Then I thought about this moment almost 4 years ago when I invited so many into the depths of my personal life. That struck me I INVITED people in. I didn’t hold the expectation that people would just volunteer or they would some how just waltz right in and fix things. I had to open my mouth and I had to put down my persona of having it all together, because I certainly did not. I don’t want to wait for the next moment my life falls apart that I invite people in.

This year has challenged relationships maybe even broken a few and on some level built others stronger. I think when we’re forced to do something we didn’t want to it exposes areas of our hearts and life that are either hurting or thriving. I know that happened for me when things out of my control broke down. It revealed so much in me and if I’m being honest I will always be grateful for that opportunity to grow, to emotionally mature. It has served me well during this year. And if I’m being really honest it’s not that this year has been perfect. It has been emotionally and mentally challenging. But the tools I gained during that time four years ago helped me to face those challenges today. Isn’t that what learning is all about. Learn, Apply. Sometimes we forget it’s a two step process.

So in the spirit of honesty here’s a few instagram posts with the real life caption.

This caption should have read I was in the middle of making this but my mother in law called me and I over cooked the eggs, still tasted great. Maybe in our efforts to come up with clever captions we hide the truth. I don’t know just a thought.

The thing that I wonder is when we share real life are we willing to give as much attention to others struggle as we are their good times. We have the savior complex to fix things or advise others so their problems will go away and we can get back to the regularly scheduled good times. When I was at my lowest a handful of people were invited into my most inner intimate parts of the brokenness. But when life had moved on (as it does) in some ways so did some of those people. The thing is I know that’s part of life. I guess the real truth is sometimes our good trumps our hurt and like many of us know hurt and joy coexist. So even though we all see these happy little squares we can either believe people are doing great and we can remain on the outside of those moments only to miss out on so much of their life. And if we do that, will we receive the invitation to enter their hurt when the time comes (because it will). When did we stop believing that those simple captions was the whole story and that there isn’t more to the story? At some point those little squares have become facades to what’s really happening in a persons life and heart. We see all the bright sides, the perfect angle so much so have we started curating our in person life to fit that mold? I know for a time I would manipulate and do things for the gram. You live you learn. I stopped hoping to catch the perfect picture and started living. Probably why I take pictures of food. I’m utterly in control of the process and I don’t have to manipulate anyone to get take the picture. let’s not wait to invest in others when they’re hurting. Instead of being exclusive, let’s be inclusive. Let’s include others in our lives and our joys and in our hurts. They aren’t called praise reports for nothing. The beauty of that is we get to celebrate overcoming our struggles. We get to give praise for the good and the bad! Let’s be real again.

My resolve after this 2020 year is I will invest in those who invite me into their lives. I will reciprocate the invitation and let them into my life. This year I want to witness. As I set out on this new year I want to have eyes to see. I want to see people for their love of children, for their desire for the truth, for pursuing faithfulness in difficult situations, being able to see these qualities in others gives me the opportunity to witness God’s image in their life. I want to continue witnessing God’s miracles. I don’t want to be deceived by my heart and their’s because really it always comes back to the heart. And if we miss that, then how can we truly witness the truth? There’s this saying from my mom that I use with the kids “we look with our eyes, not with our hands, and maybe that applies here too “we witness with our eyes not with our words first”. Let’s not skip a step in the process. I can’t wait to witness what’s in store for this year, this month, this week, this day, this moment.

So like my mom I have an outstanding date. It’s a new habit I want to develop. Setting aside time for others, just to catch up. To witness what’s happening in real life.