I have always been a planner. When Tommy and I met he encouraged me to accept my calling as a special education teacher. Once I had that goal in mind I set out to accomplish it. I was always in a hurry. I wanted to meet the next goal and the next goal. I was always taking opportunities to get me there. I took jobs. I lead a ministry. I dreamed of my classroom. Along the way we also planned out our life. We began paying off debt. We got a dog. We got engaged. We got married. We bought a house. We were always planning for the future. I had an advisor in college tell me once to enjoy this moment instead of looking forward to the next moment.
We have done a lot of traveling and moving with the kids. Fortunately transitions are a little easier for me because I am aware that we all struggle with transitions in life and I do my very best to prepare everyone (I guess that’s the Special Ed Teacher in me). We have spent the past 2 years in a state of transitions. We had Grey, then we moved to Minnesota when he was 9 months old. Then 6 months later we moved again to temporary housing in California for a month and Tommy started another new job. A month later we moved into our rental. In all honesty the move back to California has been the hardest transition emotionally for Zoë and I. My guess is that we were just getting used to life in Minnesota when we packed up again. And being back in California, but still away from family was a hard concept for her to understand. Needless to say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, or not I guess that’s up for debate still. All of these moments have led to a certain amount of worry. I worry about the kids (their emotional state, their stability in life, consistency, their health and so on). I worry about myself for all the same reasons. I worry about Tommy (the pressure of work, the stress of balancing life, his health, and so on).
Today I’m choosing to live for today! I’m not going to worry about tomorrow. Worry has consumed my thoughts for so long. I worry about everything, but I’m learning that instead of being anxious that I need to turn to prayer. I need to let go of my worry, just as much as I needed to let go of my anger. Worry has never really gotten anything done. Many days I would rather stay in bed and pull the covers over my head, but I have a choice daily. Everyday I have to choose the kids and myself to get up and plant my feet on the ground.
Every day is a new beginning! Today is not the end! Today is the best day of my life.
It is well with my Soul 
Belated greetings. I have read all of your blogs with interest even though I don’t comment and they make me happy for you and your family. I have always known that you were not as happy on the inside as you appear on the outside most of the time, but I have never seen you let go, still, it was not a surprise to me to hear that you have harbored a sadness and anger for these nine years. You remind me of Mack in The Shack. These blogs started out as a real purging of emotion and are taking on fresh hope as the “new you” evolves.
I am glad you and Zoe were able to get lunch with Kimberley and Roya yesterday. I hope we will be able to get together next week while are in Campbell Roya-sitting. Myrna
Sent from my iPad
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Thank you for reading. I really need to read/watch that book. It’s been a long overdue journey and honestly I wish I had done it sooner, but here we are. I guess the timing is perfect.
“Don’t borrow trouble” Dr. Posey
Miss you, my friend!
How’d you know!!! So funny! He is a wise man!