That all too familiar feeling

I’m usually a radio girl. I still know the local radio station numbers. But today I found myself listening to a playlist and I noticed that before the next song came on I already knew the tune. I found so much comfort in knowing what was coming next, don’t we all?

Science has a lot to say about how our brains work and how we recall memories. A simple smell could trigger a memory, a bite of food, a sound. All of our senses are able to be trigged somehow and obviously those memories could be good or bad. For me the sound of a whistle, especially in public gives me a sense of urgency. The sound of popcorn kernels hitting the sizzling oil floods my mind with all of the Friday night movie nights I’ve had. The smell of wontons makes me smile and think about all of the family and friends I’ve shared them with. The smell of a cigar reminds me of hot summer nights spent at my grandparent’s house. All of these things trigger familiar feelings.

But on the other hand there are things that give you that all too familiar feeling like hurt that one time he did that…or anger she said that, it’s all her fault or loneliness. Fear, fear of the future and fear of the past. These feelings can become familiar too and we don’t even realize it and we feel comfortable staying there. Holding on to the anger, hurt and loneliness. We linger there for so long we don’t even realize that we’re stuck in a cycle.

But then there’s the little bitty feelings that we don’t even really pay much attention to. Safe, this person, this place makes me feel safe. Important, I am needed, I have a role to play. Emotionally supported, they cheer me on in the good times AND bad times. I think many of my posts are wrapped up in all of these feelings, but what I failed to see is that I was always looking for something, some feeling, some satisfaction whether it was through food or shopping or people. I was looking for that all too familiar feeling of being loved.

Now I don’t say this because I’m looking for love, I say this because we all have this seed planted deep within us. We all want to be seen, we want to be noticed, we want someone to care about us, we want to be important to someone. I’ve been listening to Lauren Daigle recently and one of her songs goes like this, “Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?” we often wonder these things and we want be told we are more. But what if all we really need to know is who God says we are. What if that very feeling we long for is to just hear what our creator says about us and all of those other things are the distraction that stops us from knowing. I have to believe that’s true because it wasn’t until all of those things went silent in my life that I was able to hear His words. Be still and know that I am God. Be still. That’s the all too familiar feeling I want to get comfortable with. Somedays it’s harder than others because the world is too loud and my heart seeks out all the other familiar feelings. We begin to believe the story we have in our heads and we can’t distinguish between the story and reality. I’m learning the story we need in our heads are the ones in His book and less of the ones we see on social media.